I don't need your validation

I remember age 9 feeling my blue PE tee shirt cling to my skin and I felt inadequate. I would pull and tug at my shirt, it didn't fit right. That was the first time I remember feeling fat.

I was 10 when a boy told me to run laps around the block, saying I was too fat to compete for a race. In that same year, a female friend told me that I was out of shape and pointed out that I didn't have a waist.

I was 11 when male friend told me, if you lost a bit of weight, you would be 'alright'.

I was age 15 when a male teacher commented that I was fat, leaving me questioning why all my friends had washboard abs, perfect jawlines and were thin.

I was 17 when my sister's boyfriend told me I was too fat because I'd pick a side of chips over having Chinese.

I'd tell myself I was too fat for anyone to want to be around me, that people looked at me differently. And to this day, I believe that. 

I could talk about how I have been told time and time again, that 'fat' was the the worst thing you could possibly be. I could talk about all the times I was made to feel ashamed of my body and how I brushed it off. I could talk about these things, but I rarely do.

Since I was ten years old, I have been told that my body is not my own, that my feelings of discomfort are not my own, that my voice shouldn't be heard, that I might as well get used to it. I have taught myself to suppress my gut instinct upon meeting people who were rude. I have been taught to be polite, to suck it up if I felt mad. When I did complain, I have been told that I was oversensitive and irrational.

The underlying message is, how dare I try and assert any kind of control over the way I feel about my own body?

I write this now from a place where I've struggled with every diet, and I urge you now to find strength in your being. You don't have to try to be someone else because people have told you that you're not good enough. You don't have to binge, purge and starve yourself skinny to please the people who cannot value you for who you are. You don't have to be obsessed with the idea of perfection, that's so often warped and unattainable by society's standards. Being happy, healthy and intelligent lands far closer to perfection than looking thin.

I refuse to apologize for the way I feel, I refuse to be shamed for my body or spend a whole day anxious about if anyone's going to notice that I forgot to shave a patch of leg hair. I wasn't put on this earth to spend my time apologising for my existence and I refuse to let anyone make me feel like I have to. You can’t shame me for something I’m not ashamed for. I don't need your validation to be my own person.

The Liebster Award

I was nominated for this award by the lovely Jessica of Sweetness and Solitude, so I thought I'd give it a go. 

Here's what you have to do:
1. Post 11 facts about you
2. Answer 11 questions set by the blogger that nominated you
3. Nominate other blogs with under 200 followers
4. Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer
5. Link your nominees to your post

1. I could eat breakfast foods for every meal of the day and you will not question it.

2. I've been listening to Lily Lane's EP Nothin' But Trouble and it is now, easily one my favourite songs.

3. On that note, some of my favourite bands include Coldplay, Bastille, London Grammar and Daughter.

4. I am a very sentimental person.

5. If I could meet anyone dead or alive, it'd be Sylvia Plath.

6. My most fond memory is travelling to Bali in 2012.

7. The next two places I want to travel to is New York and London.

8. Some of my favourite films include Her, About Time, Grand Budapest Hotel and Forrest Gump.

9. How I Met Your Mother and Grey's Anatomy are my favourite television series.
10. Aquariums are my happy place. There's nothing like sitting in front of a 100 ft tank and realizing that in the grand scheme of things, everything is going to work out just fine.
11. I love spoken word poetry and Shane Koyczan is my favourite spoken word poet.

1. Who inspires you creatively?
Sylvia Plath and Charly Cox from Style the Natives
2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
London
3. What does your basic daily makeup routine usually consist of?
Tinted moisturiser, concealer, pressed powder, bronzer, blush, and mascara.
4. What is your favorite smell?
Vanilla or sandalwood
5. What's an embarrassing moment of yours that you can laugh about now?
Probably of when I was thirteen and fell in love with this boy 
6. What's your biggest pet peeve?
People who have a superiority complex
7. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Still waiting, still waiting
8. What is your dream career?
I want to travel, write professionally and be published or work for a magazine 
9. What's something about yourself that usually surprises others?
My willingness to go the extra mile for a friend or stranger
10. If you could go back in time and witness any historical moment, which would you choose and why?
I'd go back to August 1963, to witness Martin Luther King's 'I Have A Dream' speech. It was one of the turning points in the struggle for equality and to have been there would have been incredible.

11. If you could assign a season to yourself, which season would you be and why?
Autumn, it's my favourite season that I unfortunately, don't often get to experience.

1. What's on your bucket list?

2. Who is your inspiration and why?

3. What's your favourite film?

4. Where are you from?

5. What's your favourite season?

6. If you could travel back in time, what would you tell your younger self?

7. What are you passionate about?

8. What's your morning routine?

9. Where would you like to travel to next?

10. What are you most proud of?

11. What are your hopes for the future?

I nominate anyone who hasn't been nominated for the award yet, (YES THAT'S YOU). Be sure to comment and let me know if you've answered these questions. I look forward to reading your answers and getting to know you a little better. 

Wall Piece with 200 Letters

From March 2010 to Feburary 2011, artist Mikko Kuorinki formed a new text on the wall of the Kiasma Museum in Finland every week, using passages of different authors.

I've seen so many of these beautiful quotes online and it has since become one my favourite art works. I thought I would dedicate this post to sharing some of my favourites.

You Are More Than You've Been Told

You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, 
nor are you the slenderness of your calves. 
You are not your hair color, your skin color, 
nor are you a shade of lipstick. 
Your shoe-size is of no consequence. 
You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, 
or any combination thereof. 
You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, 
nor are you the number of calories in a day. 
You are not your mustache. 
You are not the hair on your legs. 
You are not a little red dress.

Eighteen

Hey, Hello, How are you doing?

Forgive me for neglecting this space on the internet, I must apologize, it has been awhile . . .

This morning I woke up with the same familiar unescapable turn in my stomach as I learnt I'd soon turn eighteen, and what it meant. But this time, I couldn't shake it.

I could have cried into my sandwich but instead thought I'd share my jumble of thoughts almost as an apology. 

Merry New Year

Hey, Hello, How're you doing? 

It's nearly the end of the year, so I've prompted a review. How are you getting on with those champagne hangovers? 

December's the time of year for overindulging and we're all guilty of one too many second helpings. Despite the lack of festive cheer in the family, I willingly partake on such food traditions, having pizza and a cup of hot cocoa (the equivalent of turkey and a glass of champagne) on Christmas Eve, whilst the rest of the family gathered at a relative's house for celebration.

Ya see, Christmas' a lil different around here. 

Words to use more often

Here are a collection of words that I've put together - the words that we've stopped using and some particularly beautiful ones.